The Hunt!

I have always thought of myself as a very positive person  because I do not like to mope around and be sad.  However, sometimes life intervenes and turns us into people we do not even recognize.  So... today I am going on a treasure hunt for the things that make up that positive person I feel I have lost.

What makes a positive person and where do we begin looking?  I don’t really know other than it is individualized.  Let’s begin by looking around.. 

• “My Room”. There are a lot of positives here.... the angel, the serenity, the wrought iron cross, the rocker... the balcony.   I consider our home in general to be a positive in my life. It is security and there is no other place I would rather be.  
• Our family is a positive.  As any parent will agree,  seeing our children grown, healthy and  successful with wonderful children of their own is the greatest joy ever!
• I love my career.  Helping people through their grief journey is a satisfying and rewarding occupation.  When I recognize that someone has done the hard grief work and is recovering, that is a renewal and a positive.
• Our friends are another positive in our life.  An invitation to a week in Florida this winter is certainly something to cherish and look forward to.  How generous for someone to open their home  to others.  
• My Faith is a huge positive in my life.  It carries me through many situations.
• Izzy.. yes my dog is a positive, even though there are times I question our relationship.  She loves me no matter what our differences may be.

So... after all this search and analysis, with many positives.... what has created the negativity?  The thought process has led me to the conclusion that the negativity stems from the fact that I cannot change things with which I have no control.  I cannot save a dying relative...... I cannot change the decisions of an organization, I cannot change personalities of others, I cannot change the weather, nor can I wave a magic wand to take your pain away.   The frustration is knowing something could be better, but not having the resources, the knowledge, or the power to make it that way.

I now have to get back to the “me” before the negativity.  Memories bring back the advice I so often received from my mother:  “Give any situation that is not in your control up to your Greater Being to solve.  He can do a better job!”

Now...the test will come to live by that advice.

Difficult Moments

"We are given the desire to nurture connections, tolerate our quirks, speak the truth no matter how painful, and dream big.  We are all capable of tremendous beauty, of giving love and making the world what we want it to be."  (Author unknown)

I love this quote because it really mirrors my life in the last few weeks.  Since you do not know me personally, I must tell you that I have somewhat of a controlling personality.  I do think sometimes that I single handedly am here to change the world!  Good grief!...crazy, right?  In the last week, I have had the struggle of keeping a confidence versus fibbing.  I do not like being in this position and it is difficult to determine which is the moral thing to do.  I made a choice, ... not sure if it was correct... but it is made and I pray to my Greater Being that I made the correct choice. How often are we put in a position such as this?  We have morale obligations in which we must nurture our connections and give love in order to make things better for all concerned.  I think that is where I went and where my Greater Being would want me to go.  What are your thoughts?
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