Halloween Thoughts

Happy Halloween everyone!  There is always so much controversy over this day, however, I revert back to my childhood when I did not look at this day as being a satan day.....I looked at it as being a day when I could dress up as a scary person and laugh hysterically when I scared grandpa and grandma!  It did not mean anything bad..... it was just a fun day!  The school parties were exciting because we always had apples or popcorn and orange punch as well as a treat to take home.  As I grew older, I remember thinking it was cool to toilet paper someone's trees...always got a few treats, but it was more fun working with the toilet paper.  After being married, I would dress up myself to answer the door and join in the fun the children seemed to be having.  The creepy music would play, strange pumpkins would be lit and sitting on the step, and I would have as much fun as anyone.  Then I was blessed with children who went through the same joy as I did when I was a child.  Now I am grandma and I wait patiently for my grandchildren to come to my door to scare me.  (They always get some special extra treats, of course).  I think Halloween is like any other holiday we recognize...... it is what WE make it......not what the extremist want you to  think of it as.  I will share a little history of Halloween with you.  Halloween is actually inspired by religious traditions which have gotten distorted over the years.  It is actually the eve of All Saints Day which is observed on November 1.  On that day we honor all Saints in Heaven and pray for peace and rest for our departed.  Most of the customs we carry out on Halloween are remnants of the ancient religious beliefs and rituals.

So..... I don't know about you, but I am going to dress up, turn the lights on dim, play spooky music, and greet the little people with happiness.  Enjoy the event and those who knock on your door.

Happy Halloween!

The splash

Last week my husband and I took a small day trip to a place where we use to take his folks every year.  We have not been back since his folks died, so it was a bitter sweet experience.  We found ourselves taking the same route, visiting the same eating spots, and looking for the same treasures.  The trees were absolutely gorgeous, the weather was perfect,  people were laughing and enjoying themselves, and we seemed to  be handling the crowds with  minimal stress.   My husband was somewhat nostalgic as he had a tendency to want to see the things that his dad loved and would say, "do you remember dad would eat this and go back for seconds?"  I think it was a very healing day for him.    As we get older, we see the beauty in things that when younger we are too busy to see. I think I failed to see that his folks would not be making this trip forever, and how important it might be for him to revisit the place of his memories.  I am so glad we took the time, slowed our pace, and soaked in the day.  It reminds me of the ad that states, "I use to see puddles, but now I feel the splash!"

The Hunt!

I have always thought of myself as a very positive person  because I do not like to mope around and be sad.  However, sometimes life intervenes and turns us into people we do not even recognize.  So... today I am going on a treasure hunt for the things that make up that positive person I feel I have lost.

What makes a positive person and where do we begin looking?  I don’t really know other than it is individualized.  Let’s begin by looking around.. 

• “My Room”. There are a lot of positives here.... the angel, the serenity, the wrought iron cross, the rocker... the balcony.   I consider our home in general to be a positive in my life. It is security and there is no other place I would rather be.  
• Our family is a positive.  As any parent will agree,  seeing our children grown, healthy and  successful with wonderful children of their own is the greatest joy ever!
• I love my career.  Helping people through their grief journey is a satisfying and rewarding occupation.  When I recognize that someone has done the hard grief work and is recovering, that is a renewal and a positive.
• Our friends are another positive in our life.  An invitation to a week in Florida this winter is certainly something to cherish and look forward to.  How generous for someone to open their home  to others.  
• My Faith is a huge positive in my life.  It carries me through many situations.
• Izzy.. yes my dog is a positive, even though there are times I question our relationship.  She loves me no matter what our differences may be.

So... after all this search and analysis, with many positives.... what has created the negativity?  The thought process has led me to the conclusion that the negativity stems from the fact that I cannot change things with which I have no control.  I cannot save a dying relative...... I cannot change the decisions of an organization, I cannot change personalities of others, I cannot change the weather, nor can I wave a magic wand to take your pain away.   The frustration is knowing something could be better, but not having the resources, the knowledge, or the power to make it that way.

I now have to get back to the “me” before the negativity.  Memories bring back the advice I so often received from my mother:  “Give any situation that is not in your control up to your Greater Being to solve.  He can do a better job!”

Now...the test will come to live by that advice.

Difficult Moments

"We are given the desire to nurture connections, tolerate our quirks, speak the truth no matter how painful, and dream big.  We are all capable of tremendous beauty, of giving love and making the world what we want it to be."  (Author unknown)

I love this quote because it really mirrors my life in the last few weeks.  Since you do not know me personally, I must tell you that I have somewhat of a controlling personality.  I do think sometimes that I single handedly am here to change the world!  Good grief!...crazy, right?  In the last week, I have had the struggle of keeping a confidence versus fibbing.  I do not like being in this position and it is difficult to determine which is the moral thing to do.  I made a choice, ... not sure if it was correct... but it is made and I pray to my Greater Being that I made the correct choice. How often are we put in a position such as this?  We have morale obligations in which we must nurture our connections and give love in order to make things better for all concerned.  I think that is where I went and where my Greater Being would want me to go.  What are your thoughts?
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Humility

This morning as I awoke in "my room", I noticed that once again the seasons are beginning to change and the light images in the room are transforming.    As we approach fall, it appears to most that nature dies away and/or hibernates in preparation of a long winter ahead.  However, if we look closely we notice that new things come to life and the season in itself is very beautiful.  We have very large maple trees that line the back of our property and they just burst with absolute beautiful color in the fall.  The flowers that outline the pond (although I cannot give you a name at this time), transforms to a breathtaking crimson color from the rather boring green it boasts all summer.  Our garden shows signs of orange and green pumpkins, colorful gourds, and orange, brown and green bittersweet vines.  Deer have been seen standing in the garden partaking of the fresh peaches and apples that had fallen from the trees.  There are so many beautiful things about nature that we take for granted.  Once we pay attention to the gifts that have been so freely given to us, our spirits lift and the problems of the week seem to fade into a nonexistence.  Humility is about knowing who we are and what makes us content. Nature has the best example of humility.  Each season has its problems and its ugliness, but each one knows its own gift to life.... its beauty.  Thank you to our greater being for this lesson on knowing who we are and being the best we can be despite our downfalls.

Life's Cookbook

Last week I was scanning the pages of a very old cookbook purchased at an auction.  It was very explicit and detailed about how to cook things, can items, store things, clean things, and even how to set one's dinner table.  The book provided interesting reading for an afternoon, and I thought we needed such explicit instructions for other things,.... such as life itself.

How did we get here without instructions?  We learn as we go by our successes and our failures; by discovering what works and what does not, by seeking assistance and support; and by knowing our choices and making decisions based on the knowledge we have sought to make those choices.

If we were to write our recipes for our life cookbook, what would the titles read?  I imagine that each person's book would be different.  The index of my book would include such things as:  Siblings; God's Place in My Life; First Day of School; Moving; Changing Schools; Death and a New Normal; Difficult Years; First Date; Peer Pressure; Getting Married; Raising a Family; Illnesses; Career Life and Aging Gracefully.  I am sure once one gets started, it would be difficult to find an ending to our needs for guidance as there are so many stages in our lives.  If I were to write my recipe for Aging Gracefully (since that is where I am in life), I would want it to look something like this:

                      Lonnie's  Recipe for Aging Gracefully
Ingredients Needed:  1 kind soul;  a bushel of experience;  1 heart full of love;  a pinch of gray hair; a few endearing wrinkles of moderate size;  1 cup of patience;  3 cups of understanding;  2 arms full of hugs, and smiles to taste.   Gently fold all ingredients together, pour into a designer mold of your choice, and enjoy for a lifetime.

If I can follow this recipe, I will consider myself to be blessed! 

What do your recipes for life look like?

Going Home

In the last week I have heard many comments about "going home".  I have heard the words in songs, in conversations, in newspaper articles......it must be a sign to write a blog about it as well.  My cousin and I had a conversation about driving past our old houses and either being elated that the house was well maintained or disappointed that it was no longer there.  Childhood homes have a great influence on our lives.  The childhood homes had that special memory of where we played under the willow tree, got locked in the barn, cared for our pony, raised sheep, walked beans, saw my first bull snake, learned to ride a bike, read books in the orchard trees, helped make root beer, used an outhouse, and sat next to a wood burning kitchen stove to keep warm. Those were good memories because family members were all alive, and  we worked and played together. It is where we learned ethics, responsibility, manners, and it made us who we are today.   That childhood home is "The House That Built Me".   As we leave our childhood homes and experience life, we sometimes get broken and lose our way..... life happens and interferes.  How many of us try to return to that childhood house to find the old self, recapture the security, or perhaps bury the trauma we experienced.

Miranda Lambert recorded the song, "The House That Built Me".  Her lyrics are an echo of our thoughts today:
"You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.  I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am.  I thought if I could touch the place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing.  Out here its like I'm someone else; I thought maybe I would find myself; If I could just come in I swear I'll leave... won't take nothing but a memory from the house that built me."

Do you feel you can go home again to the house that built you?  Share your feelings.